Unsolicited Genital Exposures

I confess that I am a bit of a Craigslist junkie. So you can imagine my surprise tonight, when I come across a personals ad from a man who vandalized my car a month back.

Let me back up a minute, and explain, because I’m sure you have some questions.

Earlier this year, I received a response on a network, from a man who appeared to be stable. He had been overseas, served in the war, and had a job now stateside as a security officer. He had his own place, his own car, and was good looking and tall (I mean we all have our preferences…)

So we added each other on the BookFail network, and immediately we discovered how different we were. My page was full of liberalism, and pro-us/we/girls/blacks/gays/dogs/aliens/coffee/vegetarianism/ilovethecolorpink, while his was full of “feminism is cancer” and “pride not hate” and a slew of pro-Trump memes.

At this point, his conversations towards me turned into unsolicited dick pics, and requests to come over. I refused to meet him.

Then came along Valentines Day, which was the cherry on top of an already weird series of discussions. I came outside to walk my dog, and discovered a mug filled with chocolates and a balloon attached to the hood of my car. No note.

Like anyone would, I immediately checked my phone, only to see one message waiting… Him of course. It was yet another unsolicited dick pic… for Valentines Day.

So I snapped a photo of what’s on my car and replied:

“I got this today from an admirer… and all I got from you… was a dick pic.”

His reply was a standard: LOL.

I stopped talking to him.

Weeks later he contacts me again. This time to apologize for sending me pics and for his behavior. Blamed it on depression from the war, and being a product of a military upbringing I of course accepted the apology. And so we started talking again.

I noticed he would become sullen and aggressive if I was at work and would not reply to his texts (I was a waitress at the time… my tables come first.. I mean they can come second if I wanna aspire to only $2.13 an hour…) He avoided sending me dick pics, but instead sent me pics of an elaborate harness attached to his bed (apparently a fetish of his..)

He had yet to properly ask me out. Dinner… maybe drinks. So again I was refusing to meet him.

And then came a month ago, when I made a bad decision. See what had happened was, is that I had ended my shift at the bar I worked at, and went out for my normal Saturday routine of loud DJ music, shots, shots, and waaaay more shots. So I texted him and told him to come over. Sent him my address. Told him I’d be awake for at least an hour so he had enough time to get to me, and he agreed.

Home by this point, on my couch, alcohol induced sleep is crashing in on me, and he’s on his way (or so he said).

Turn on the tv… check FB… smoke a cig… or three. Check the phone… 45 minutes has gone by… an hour… hour and a half. I call, I text… no reply.

And so I assume he backed out, and I let the alcohol induced slumber occur.

I wake up hours later, to 20 missed calls on my phone. All occurring 3 hours after initial contact. One text, stating he was here, and why wasn’t I answering the door.

So I start my morning routine, and grab the dog for his walk. I open the door to find my car vandalized… covered in what appears to be a brown substance splashed on top of the hood, and smeared across the driver’s side of the car. It has chunks… and my first thought is that its human feces.

I finish walking the dog, and check BookFail – he’s blocked me. And so I do a further investigation of the car. No nails in the tires, no slashings/scratchings, but a torn open saran wrap looking baggy with a knot, laying at the base of my driver’s side rear tire.

It’s a spit bag, for chew. The mother-fucker has used my car as a dispensary for his left over chew.

So I clean it off, and head out. I’m angry but whatever. I did bring it on myself by inviting a man over who I had refused for weeks to see, and who frankly had exposed himself as having problems.

Two weeks ago, I moved to my new apartment, leaving experiences like that one as a memory in the old home. When one day, my phone rings, and the Caller ID flashes his name across the screen.

I answer it, and firmly state “hello”. He replies with a terse hello and asks what’s up. I ask him what he needs, and he advises me that he was going through old messages on that network and came across mine. He asked:

how’s your paint job on your car?” as he chuckles.

It’s fine, why do you ask? He goes, well I just wanted you to remember…

“I know it was you, and the car is fine, you didn’t damage it..”

And this is when he lost his shit. He began to scream uncontrollably that he did it to remind me not to “fuck with him”.


(Actually sweetie… now you don’t hahahaha)

I asked him if he was threatening me, and asked if I should call the cops. His screams became louder as he attempted to drown me out everytime I attempted to talk (typical man control thing to do as he’s so anti-feminist and all…)

And so I announced I was hanging up, and did.

I haven’t heard from him since, but tonight in my boredom as I searched along Craigslist, I decided to wander off into the personals section, which is something I never frequent. But low and behold, three guesses who I found.

I was shocked, as he actually posted 3 photos of himself, including one I knew from his BookFail and dating profile, of him in Afghanistan, holding a rifle, with his nametag in clear view of his last name.

As I already have had issues with him, I screenshotted the ad in the event I need it to show photos to police officers should he contact me again.

His ad reads:

Hey, I’m looking for a one night stand or something ongoing. I have my own place, job and car. I’m very passionate and want to make love.

It was posted 3 hours ago.

Based on my patterns I think I should stick to organically meeting men.


5 thoughts on “Unsolicited Genital Exposures

  1. As unpleasant as your car’s ‘paint job’ was, I’m really glad you ended up falling asleep that night. Who knows where things might have gone otherwise.
    I’m really pleased to have been out of the dating scene for quite a while, but I certainly had some doozies. I had one particular ex who demonstrated to me about a million times over our two year relationship that he was irreparably damaged. Even after we split for good and he moved away, every time he came back into town I’d always ‘answer the call.’ Sometimes it was fine. Other times my roommates had to chase him away with a lacrosse stick. . .
    I guess he was just really good at apologies. And I was really good at giving 47th chances. . .
    Thanks for a great read.

  2. Omg, that’s scary! You really know how to pick them, don’t you?
    Please be careful ( yep, that’s the Mum in me) 😃🐻

  3. I’m glad you’re okay! There were a million things going through my head that could have been worse!!! What a jerk. Great writing, I was on the edge of my seat (or more accurately, bed) the entire time. 😀

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