For this weeks reading, I have pulled one card from 3 separate decks.
Pomona – Plenty
The story of Pomona is one of a maiden in love with gardening. She rejected suitors for fear that she would have to abandon her beautiful garden, until one shape-shifted to reveal her inner fears of losing what she valued the most. He then revealed himself to her, and together they went on to build more beautiful gardens together.
This card is a reminder that I have something I need to shed whether it be an old belief, a habit or just fear itself, and that I must trust that I have enough (plenty).
A very common theme now, as I am adjusting to my new surroundings and settling into my new job. But there never seems to be enough, and I know that at some point I must start moving forward. I know there is this fear, that the other shoe is waiting to drop, and it’s an old belief from my last surroundings and last job, because it always did everytime I attempted to move forward. I simply must accept that the universe will shield me and guide me where I should be, as long as I “prune away” what holds me back.
Had some trouble with this next deck, 3 times cards jumped out and I dropped the cards multiple times.
This is not a new card to me, and one that keeps returning to me. What jumps out this time is the statement: “Rather than facing facts, perhaps you have been in a state of avoidance.” This much I know is true, as I’ve hidden behind baggy clothes and t-shirts, or stopped doing my art. Hell I don’t even apply for art related jobs anymore.
I keep having this deep rooted fear that all these changes, everything these last few years amounts to nothing and never will. I know deep down inside though, I’m not even fucking trying.
And so the seal visits me yet again, for another week in a row. I am faced with a dilemma, and regardless of where I turn, choices may involves loss, or involve risk. The longing of the heart….
Now all three of these cards in some part involve the message/word of love. I however doubt that this love is one of coupling, but of myself, or something that I love doing, or want to do. I admit that I have not been true myself as of late, and subtle reminders keep popping up urging me to return.
Survival mode is difficult, and I constantly worry that I can hold things down. My life has certainly changed after university.